Writing would be easier if…

You don’t have to read many books on the craft, be they memoir or how-to, to find out writing is hard work. And it is. As a married man with five young children and a full-time job I sometimes envy the amount of time the full-time authors devote to their work. (That sounded bad; I wouldn’t trade my life with one of them, but I think you know what I’m getting at.) Other priorities competing for our time is just one of the myriad obstacles a writer must conquer to get the job done. Which got me thinking…

Writing would be easier if:

  • I didn’t need sleep
  • The internet weren’t to my time what a black hole is to light
  • My writing was grammatically perfect as if flowed through my fingers
  • I could spell
  • I didn’t enjoy movies so much
  • I always knew exactly what I wanted to write exactly when I woke up
  • Other authors hadn’t written such compelling books (I’ve finally updated my 2013 Bookshelf if you’re interested)
  • I didn’t blog (I’m pretty sure that’s irony, but the fact that I’m not absolutely certain is another reason writing is hard)
  • I could finish writing entire books in one sitting
  • Or at least an entire chapter
  • I wasn’t concerned with marketing or selling my books (Number two will be out in less than two months)
  • Had more confidence
  • Every day was rainy
  • It didn’t sometimes feel like work
  • Everybody loved what I create
  • I didn’t care if it was done well… or good… or maybe it is well, I don’t know (Okay, that’s another one)
  • My computer would beep, or say, “Atta boy!” or maybe shed a tear whenever I crafted an excellent sentence.
  • And would intuitively know when I finished a book and instantly play the Hallelujah Chorus
  • I hated Facebook
  • There weren’t a swarm of idea bandits living between my brain and my fingertips (I’m convinced they can fly and are somehow related to Swiper the Fox)
  • The eloquence I imagined in my head looked the same when that idea appeared on the screen
  • My ideas had better timing, instead of popping up at 3:00 AM, or while I’m upside down on a roller coaster, or when I’m throwing my kids in a pool, or when I have nothing to write with or on, and for a moment it’s as if mankind hasn’t invented said technology because there is nothing to be found for miles, and by the time I do find a bit of charcoal and a bubble gum wrapper, an idea bandit swoops in and flies away with my thought, laughing like the Wicked Witch of the West. I hate those guys.
  • Did I mention comma rules? Because I have no idea, where to put commas, so I just guess, and hope one of my proofreaders fixes, all my mistakes,

What about you? What would you add to this list?

One comment

  1. …If my blog site was WORKING and allowing me to make posts
    – If I wasn’t so concerned about what people thought about me
    – If those quiet moments were slowed down instead of sped up
    – If my fingers weren’t lisdexic
    – If I could plug my computer into my brain and just download the information brewing there
    – If I didn’t SO need a nap many days during “quiet hour”
    – If we wore disposable clothing, and used disposable dishes (goodbye Earth)
    -If I didn’t spend so much time trying to craft witty comments on other people’s blog- HAHAHA!

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